question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
