I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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