just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
