Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize