Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
