The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
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