This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
