i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
We got so high we made milksteak
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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