No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
