I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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