my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
im calling her cock vulture from now on
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize