I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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