saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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