And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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