this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
