Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
