her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
