It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
