I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
