Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
that is very illegal...i love you.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
