I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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