if i can run in heels then i can drive
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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