He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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