if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
then he tried to convert me to islam
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
