Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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