Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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