jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
