i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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