I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize