if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I stole a fireplace last night.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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