i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
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