How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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