Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
