I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
