DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
