Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I accidentally burped into my bong.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
