i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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