we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
