I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I still have a little drunk in my system
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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