I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
