She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
