I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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