you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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