he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
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