8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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