there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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