Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Randomize