please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
