I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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