I just threw up on my dentist
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
