yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
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