Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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