If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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