How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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