im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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