Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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