I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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