butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize