Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
