when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
