I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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