What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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