i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
