sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize