she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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