I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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