im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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