Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
is it fun? or sober?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
