u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize
