We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
