I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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