I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
