I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
