You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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