You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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