This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
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