How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
