theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
