smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
