did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
