I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
