Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
