U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
