I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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