i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
