the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
this hospital has no fireball
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
