Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
