I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
