I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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