I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
