I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
