Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
