Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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