so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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