There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
