I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
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