Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize