her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
