I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
birth control should be required to get into college
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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