you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
