UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
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