when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
