Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
