someone threw a dead crab at me
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
