you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize