You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
