Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
