I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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