My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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