just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
