I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
i just google imaged poop.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
