What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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