hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
