Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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