Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
